Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. Romans 15:7 NIV
I have been a pastor, counselor, and general observer and participant in life for many years, and have concluded that by far the majority of the struggles and conflicts in our world are because of the desperate need for acceptance, and the lack of it. The lack of it is rooted in not knowing how to find acceptance and how to give it.
We believe in the myth that acceptance is found by figuring out how to please the ones we value enough to desire their acceptance. In order to do so we acquire habits, behaviors, and images designed to cultivate and guarantee their acceptance. However, acceptance gained in that manner is inauthentic and short-lived. The goal is always changing, and rejection is certain. We end up not even being clear about who we are. A 1999 box office hit, RUNAWAY BRIDE, still streaming on Netflix and multiple outlets, features a woman who panics and runs from her three weddings during the ceremonies. The man who finally understands her and loves her enough to help her points out that she has become a different person in order to please each man, even ordering her eggs cooked the way that each liked his. This man persuades her that he knows her and loves her as she is. In so many ways, we can find ourselves there.
Our souls crave acceptance from the God who knows us best. We are desperate to be accepted by a circle of people who truly know us and accept us, flaws and all. We die a slow inner death without the ability to accept ourselves. All three of these cravings are connected. We begin to break free of the myth of pleasing to be accepted when we accept the welcome of Jesus to relationship with Him. Think of this. God told the whole world at Jesus’ baptism, “This is my beloved Son. I am well pleased with Him.” That was before Jesus did a single miracle, called a solitary disciple, preached even one word. God was pleased because Jesus was His. That’s how Jesus accepts you – before you do anything remarkable, He welcomes you and accepts you JUST AS YOU ARE. You need to rethink your friendship and connections, only seeking acceptance in the circle of people who are also following Jesus. It doesn’t mean you can’t have other friends; it just means you don’t let your desire for acceptance allow them to shape your behavior or opinions. Focus on seeing yourself as Jesus sees you. He will never reject you. Through prayer and time with Him, you will discover how loved you are and your self-acceptance will grow. You will be resilient through disappointments and successes.
Then, knock yourself out accepting the people around you without expecting them to meet your expectations. We are told to accept others just as Christ accepted us – with a warm welcome, just as they are. The more you love like Jesus, the less you’ll even think about who accepts and who rejects you. You’ll be secure and it will cause even skeptics to be amazed and praise God.
- Who needs you to drop your expectations and accept them as they are?