Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:21 NLT
“Submit” is a short, hard word. It sends shivers down the spine of many, yet it is an incredibly powerful and positive word in relationships, particularly in marriage. This command (yes, command, not from an authoritarian place, but simply saying this is the non-optional strategy if you want the right outcome) comes at the end of Paul’s discussion of marriage. Mutual submission is essential for marriage to work well.
This mutual submission is not required because one person or both people merit it. Mutual submission is our response to the Kingship of Christ. Christ is the word for King/Anointed One. If it is HIS way, His followers are to do it. It is for our benefit. A marriage with mutual submission is characterized by mutual respect, care, and service. There’s a “you first” kind of attitude and desire to make the other person a priority. While every couple will discover what it specifically looks like for them, there are some things that are common to mutual submission.
Mutual submission is quiet, not loud. It doesn’t announce what it is doing. It just does it. It simply and quietly does the loving “you first” thing.
Mutual submission isn’t pushy. It waits. It doesn’t interrupt, it lets the other person speak and share freely, even “telling the story” instead of competing. Waiting communicates value.
Mutual submission apologizes, confesses, takes responsibility. Mutual submission doesn’t just focus on being right or “winning” an argument. It focuses on tone and attitude too, and confesses to anything off center. It repents and asks forgiveness quickly.
Mutual submission holds no grudges. Mutual submission holds the spirit of forgiveness close and is ready to forgive without being asked.
Mutual submission serves. “What have you done for me lately?” is a most common attitude, and it is deadly to relationships. “What can I do to serve and help you today?” is lifegiving, especially when we look personally for the answer without asking. Mutual submission is constantly looking for ways to make a difference for the one loved.
Mutual submission doesn’t demand immediate results. We remember it is ultimately Christ we are serving, and we know regardless of what else does or doesn’t happen, Christ is honored and pleased. And He never disappoints.
- Submission takes me into vital connection with Christ and enables me for life.