And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Philippians 4:8 NLT
One of the interesting things about humans is the way we respond to our differences in love relationships. The old proverb is that opposites attract. That is true. We are drawn to people who are different than us. They fascinate us and we love the energy and perspective that defines them as distinctly diverse from us. However, it doesn’t take too long until those same opposites attack. The things they initially saw as attractive and valuable become irritations. We try to sculp and shape them into being more familiar, more like us.
Truth is, God designed us differently because we need the differences of the other to function at high capacity and become our best selves. God designed our differences to help us.
1 Corinthians 12 discusses our different gifts in detail and instructs us that our gifts, though different, all come from the same Spirit. We find that God knew we needed those exact differences long before we figured it out.
When Charlie and I met, I was drawn to his natural calm and poise. He was steady and seemed so mature and level-headed. I was proud and confident when I was with him. But a little bit into our marriage I found myself being irritated from time to time because I didn’t feel like he showed the appropriate enthusiasm for things I found exciting, and didn’t get upset enough over things I found to be outrageous. We were young pastors and the occasional criticisms from left field just seemed to go over his head. But God encouraged me to look for the good and before long I began to realize what a perfect gift and balance he was for me. I had no idea the storms I would encounter as a woman pastor, and Charlie was the steadying force and support consistently bringing me to reality and confidence. He responded to conflict much differently and without the fear I experienced. I so needed that. And—he DID know how to have fun and be excited—just in his distinct and wonderful way.
God calls us to build our appreciation and value for each other by intentionally focusing on the good in each other. He has designed us uniquely to make exactly the right contributions to life in relationships. You can take your marriage to a new level by deciding to dwell on everything that is good. It’s God’s way.
- Begin making a list of all the strengths, character traits, abilities, and gifts of your partner. Keep it and add to it. As you train yourself to think in this way, you will increasingly see more to value about this wonderful person God created for you. Your appreciation may even make them more likely to grow in the areas they can improve.