Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:34-40 NIV
A dangerous direction in shaping lives, whether the people we are influencing are children or adults, is rule-based instruction and discipleship. Some may push back on that to say that God discipled and shaped people through rules and point to the Old Testament or the old covenant with His people as the example. But the evidence shows that God always pursued relationship first. God could have created us without decision-making capacity. But He wanted people to love and serve Him with their will. He built relationship with them long before rules were part of the picture. They were surrounded by pagans who had no relationship with Him, and He did not want them to be caught up and destroyed by the cultures around them. He provided structure and guidance for them physically and spiritually, to build their relationship with Him and others.
Then Jesus came. In Matthew 22:34-40, Jesus quoted Deuteronomy 6:5 and Leviticus 19:18 in answer to what are the most significant “rules” to follow to the rules-based Pharisees’ question. He directly told them that relationships were the issue. Then in John 13:34 and all throughout His life He taught by word and example that the main thing was to follow the new command of love: complete love for God and then loving others as God loves us. If those relationships are solid, then even the Ten Commandments are not necessary to hang on our walls. Those rules are now naturally core characteristics of the life of love.
As we are shaping lives, we must always remember that relationship precedes rules and is always a priority. Realize that with God and people both, rules + regulations – relationships = rebellion + resentment. So many people have walked away from faith because we have presented “checklists” for approval and performance. Even in our walk with God, we can put ourselves into a “straitjacket” that destroys our joy, trying to keep our own rules. Remember, relationship changes who we are. Jesus told us that we become like Him by “abiding in Him” (John 15). He doesn’t want us to concentrate on “fixing our behavior.” He wants us to focus on spending time with Him. Taking that approach to shaping lives is the wisest for us and those we love. Then any rule that must happen comes through the context of love.
- Jesus, in my life with You and those You have placed in my life, help me prioritize relationship. Help me remember that as our hearts connect, obedience flows naturally.