In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us. Titus 2:7-8 NIV
The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. So you must be careful to do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. Matthew 23:2-3 NIV
We’ve all heard the statement, “Your life speaks so loud, I can’t hear what you say.” Truth is, people, especially those whose lives we are trying to shape, DO hear what we say, but when our lives contradict what we say, they are quick to recognize it. That’s when that ugly word “hypocrite” pops up. That’s what Jesus told people about the Pharisees. “DO listen to what they are saying. BUT do not do what they do because they do not practice what they preach.”
When we are not “in everything setting them an example,” we damage them. They don’t see in us the solid base for integrity. This is often most slippery in the influences we allow in our lives, the people we applaud, the choices we make for our “adult” or “longtime Christian” lifestyles. Parenting/shaping with integrity means aligning your actions with your words, even when your own struggles make it challenging. True influence comes from examining your own life for inconsistency, owning it openly, modeling a repentant heart, and letting your children/mentees see you changing alongside them. This turns hypocritical correction into shared growth.
Where do we fail most often?
Maintaining influences, friendships, and environments too closely that we teach them to avoid. I have heard many statements like these: “The worst influence in my life was my dad’s best friend. He was far worse than any of my friends that Dad continually criticized. He is the one who taught me to drink.” You can be friends, love, and pray without making them a major part of your life.
Supporting and excusing evil behavior from celebrities/big names in every avenue of life. If it’s not OK with Jesus in the children or our mentees, it is extremely hard for them to understand enthusiasm for well-known people who are the clear opposite of what we are trying to teach them.
Casual acceptance of evil on television, movies, etc. Again, it is hard to understand why we watch prohibited behavior without honest discussion. And saying, “We are adults – you are not old enough yet” is neither adult nor honest and sets them up for future failure.
- Shaping lives is sacrificial, sacred business. It’s not a part-time job. To do it well requires submitting every part of your life to the example of Jesus. Do an audit of the influences in your own life, the people you support, what you allow your eyes and heart to see. Ask Jesus to show exactly what He thinks of it and what to do.